Touristering (or "I got crabs and then went to a brothel")

(Editor's note: bad internet connection makes posting pictures hard, will try again soon)
I've noticed that all the events I've chronicled thus far have only gotten me through to about last wednesday or so. In an effort to stay current and not have everything run together in my memory before I can commit it to the internet, I've decided to cut my losses and give up on the rest of the week, since nothing especially remarkable happened anyway. Instead, I'll skip ahead to friday night. Just think, friday afternoon, work for the week is over, you're ready to get out on the town and have some fun. Where do you go? That's right....Crab Festival!

This wasn't just any crab festival, mind you, perish the thought. This crab festival was international. Located in the "big open area" outside the giant shopping center where we've had dinner a few times, this event seemed to be suspiciously similar to a standard Thai seafood market, but a little cleaner and populated by younger people. As for why it was billed as "international", I have absolutely no idea. Maybe because there were a couple of obvious Americans walking around sticking out like a bunch of thumbs who had just finished visiting the large hammer convention.

What does one do at a crab festival? I asked the same question, and got the pointed response, "Crab. Is good." I correctly guessed that this meant eating crab. Turns out I was partially correct; we did eat crab, lots of it in fact. However, we also ate about every other kind of sea creature that the vendors were able to immobilize and boil. They also had some mammals on the menu as well, which also looked good.



The next day we drove about an hour south of the city to the floating market at Damnoen Saduak. My Thailand guidebook explained that this was one of the few remaining floating markets that was not organized purely for tourist purposes. Oh how wrong they were. We were squirreled into rickety looking canoe-like vessels that were powered by what appeared to be old engines lifted straight out of old cars. Riding around, I kept waiting for Kevin Costner to swim under the boat and set it on fire, since it looked and sounded just like the evil jetskis in the timeless 90s classic Waterworld. This boat proceeded to drive us through a series of fetid canals, which were lined with vendors hawking the same set of hats, toys, and Buddhas. This would have been unpleasant, but I think the cloud of carbon emissions surrounding everything killed enough brain cells to make me complacent.

Next, we went to see a Thai cultural show at a nearby hotel complex. The phrase, "Cultural Show" reeks of underpaid locals dancing around and mugging for western photo ops. This one contained a certain amount of that, but it was entertaining, and the production value was high enough that it looked like the performers were actually enjoying themselves. They even set up a miniature boxing ring so we could all witness an intense, albeit obviously choreographed, Muai Thai boxing match. The grand finale was the best though, as all the performers unfurled small flags of the world, while the traditional Thai percussion ensemble struck up a rousing chorus of "It's a Small World". I believe it is still playing on endless loop inside my head today.

To conclude our saturday activities, we drove to a large public park featuring a giant statue of the Walking Buddha. This was much more my style, and I think I got some great pictures. I may not have reached nirvana, but the quiet did help with my "It's a Small World" problem a little bit.

Today was spent riding around on the world's crappiest bike at the "Ancient City", a replica of...pretty much everything. If it's a landmark in Thailand, you can pay to see it here, reproduced in concrete and plywood. There's not much to say about it, except that I did make a point to have my picture taken in the little model brothel in the little model village, just so I can show Mom.


She must be so proud.