Gastric Defeat

The title of this entry is the flip side of the “gastric triumph” entry from a little while ago. I’ll get into that shortly, but first I must apologize for the lateness of this update. Looking back, I think I’m running about a week behind (for myriad reasons soon to become clear). I think the best course of action in this case is to divide up the last week/weekend into manageable bites instead of trying to write a massive War and Peace style entry.

To reveal the main reason that I’ve been slow to the posting (besides the bad internet connection, which does have one redeeming quality in that it makes a great scapegoat), I direct your attention once more, dear reader, to the title of this post. Following the attack of the questionable pork products from a few weeks ago, I’m right back where I started with another more virulent case of “Bangkok Belly”. Locals and traveler-types alike use this term to refer to a lot of diseases, from indigestion to amoebic dysentery. Thankfully, though, I’m pretty sure that I do not have amoebic dysentery. I think one becomes immune to it after dying from it enough times playing “Oregon Trail”. I have no regrets though; I’d still rather take my changes on the long way to Fort Laramie before paying the Indian $5 to help me ford the river.

Kickass 90s computer games aside, I’m still not feeling great. However, after a little charades this afternoon with Nai, I managed to gesture my way through the concept of heartburn (wish I had pictures of this one) enough that he figured out to take me to a drugstore. The only way this pharmacy could possibly have been more shady is if it were sewn into the lining of someone’s trenchcoat, maybe while he says something to the tune of, “Hey buddy, lookin’ for a good time?” The woman at the desk, who reminded me of a combination of Master Yoda and the Wise Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock, kept passing me boxes with instructions entirely in Thai. I had no idea what any of these products did, and I learned in 6th grade health class that you should be very careful when old women offer you mysterious pills. My solution? Buy the first box with English on it and look it up online.

Score one for dumb luck. With my less than three dollars I managed to get the Thai version of Prilosec. It seems to be helping, since I managed to eat my way through an entire bag of bugles, one bugle at a time. It took me about an hour and a half, and I must say that it was rather unsatisfying, since “one bugle at a time” isn’t especially conducive to the “put the bugles on your fingers and pretend you’re a witch” game. Ah woe, ah me.

Now, with today’s festivities adequately documented, I can get back to last week. Look for the recap across the next few days. Hopefully, I’ll remember all the good stuff; somewhere between the scorpions and the transsexuals things have started to get lost. Speaking of Lost, I think that’s an appropriate way to close this entry, with a CLIFFHANGER ENDING….

(to be continued…via flashback)