Oh my. I’ve never been a huge fan of zoos, mostly because I feel like they’re a little too voyeuristic of my taste. Still, most of the institutions of animal observation that I’ve been to in the states are pretty high quality, with expansive recreations of natural habitats (though always with a heavy does of Disneyfication). With that the Sriracha Tiger Zoo contrasted almost as strongly as it smelled.
According the Wikipedia, Sriracha is known for a recent outbreak of a notorious Asian disease a few years ago. Now, I don’t want to alarm anyone, so I won’t get into the details, but I’ll give you a hint: it starts with an “a” and ends with a “vian influenza”. Walking through the gates, it’s not all that surprising. Sriracha is not an especially clean attraction, and you can smell it from the parking lot. Still, there were certainly some attractions worth seeing. First, a stop at the crocodile show. Walking in, I was reminded of a ramshackle version of a sea world set (“The Pirates of Pinniped,” this production was not).
Soon enough, it became clear that “The Underpaid Workers Pissing Off Large Reptiles Show” would’ve been a far more appropriate title than “Crocodile Show”. Seriously, I can’t describe it any more clearly than that. These two performers enter the enclosure and prod, whack, or otherwise irritate the crocs, who, predictably, try and bite back as the “trainers” back out of the way just in time. Geez, if people will pay for this, maybe I can score a quick buck charging admission to let people watch me poke at my cat Duncan.
We also attended the “Amazing Circus”, which I will not describe herein, mostly because, it was more of the same, except the animals were primarily land-based rather than aquatic. There was also a nice helping of the cliché “flaming hoop” material. Far more interesting was the elephant show. Not because the elephants did anything remarkable, oh no, human suffering is way funnier. Also funnier, because it didn’t happen to me. It almost did, though, as I nearly raised my hand to break the awkward silence when they asked for a volunteer. However, right as I was placing my camera back in my pocket, Joey beat me to it and promptly made his way to the front. There but for the grace of Joey go I.
The guy in charge had Joe lay down face up on a mat, while the other (female) volunteer did the same, face down, about 20 feet away. Then, out came Jumbo*, trunk held high, who walked over to the other volunteer and used his stocky foot to give her a “massage”, which mostly consisted of him just stepping on her butt. Needless to say, we were all a little worried about Joe, and we wondered if he should roll over for his own well being. Turns out that the request for a male volunteer was purposeful, and so was having him lay on his back, since the elephant promptly walked over and gave Joey a solid kick in the jumbos. Watching this spectacle (that is the only word that describes it), I felt a lot like the President who watches the secret service agent leap in front of a big gray bullet. Joe seems to have survived unscathed, at least physically. I cannot necessarily say the same for his dignity. As for me, I got some great pictures.
*names changed to protect the innocent
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